My brother-in-law’s annual hey-here’s-newish-music-you-probably-haven’t-heard-since-you-have-kids CD contains the excellent (and previously unknown to me) Avett Brothers song I And Love And You. The song prominently repeats the lament/regret/lyric:

Three words that became hard to say
I and Love and You

After hearing it a few times, George interrupted and said “Those aren’t hard words!” While he was right, the disconnect was funny enough that I had to pull over for a few seconds before I could safely resume driving home.

Yes, George, the words themselves aren’t difficult. But as you’ll learn, words have meaning only in context and in relationship with each other. For this reason, ‘I Love You’ — usually a defining and nervous landmark in a romantic relationship — can be much harder to say than ‘I love Rhododendrons.’

There will probably be many words that you find difficult to say as life goes on. Here’s a few that have tripped me up from time to time (with varying degrees of difficulty and seriousness):

• I’m sorry
• I was wrong
• Are you busy Friday night?
• Sooners lost
• Will you marry me?
• He/she died
• No

Words like these are hard to say because they reveal a truth or a desire. Saying them makes it real. Don’t be afraid of the real; those afraid of the real never really live.*

As long as words are tactful (an important caveat), then they probably should be said, even if difficult. And the more you say such things, the easier they become.

* We’ll stop here before this sounds much more like Kierkegaardian existentialism (speaking of difficult words!)

A few days ago, we went to buy some soup for mommy who was feeling a little sick. The topic turned to employees (based on a sign at the grocery store) and I explained

An employee is someone who does some work and gets paid for it

Oh, like you get paid?

Yes boys, just like that.

And you use some of that money to buy soup for mommy?

Yes

I realized that you guys don’t see us spend money much, just put stuff on the credit card. So I wanted you to understand how it works.

Boys, I want you to listen carefully. We’ll talk about this more later, but please listen now.

We’re listening Daddy

Let’s say you want to buy a toy that costs $10, but you only have $5. The credit card company will say “We’ve got $10, let us buy it for you” and you agree. Then the credit card company says “You can pay us $5 now and $7 next month.” How much does you toy cost?

$12 (George)

Does that sound like a good idea?

Oh no Daddy, I would never do that (Isaac)

Well lots of people do son. So when the credit card company says to Mommy and Daddy “You’ve used $100” Mommy and Daddy pay them all of that.

So you don’t buy stuff on a credit card unless you have that much money or more than that much money. (George)

Exactly boys

Keep this in mind. It’ll save you a lot of heartache down the road.

George,

As I drop you off to 1st grade [almost] every morning, I watch you until you go inside the building. If you were to notice and ask, I would tell you I want to ensure you don’t get lost in the 20 yards between the car and the door. But really I’m watching you hoist your backpack as you bound off to face the day. I’m excited to watch you go and grow, and hope you always approach each day like that.

Isaac, if I drop you off at school, I’ll do the same thing.

When Isaac used to come with me to drop you off for Kindergarden, he would ask roll down the window so George could come back and wave goodbye to him.

I’m so glad y’all are good friends right now.

When I was a little boy (8, 9, something like that), my dad won three stuffed animals at an amusement park in a basketball shooting game (If you know Granddaddy, you know it wasn’t easy for him to spend money on a game). One sister got a raccoon (3/3 baskets), and other sister and mom got little stuffed dogs (2/3 baskets each). I was a little put out since I was left out, so Grandmama gave me her dog. He was brown with a blue collar and a little red tongue. I named him ‘Little Luther.’ I asked if she’d miss him

-I’ll visit him while I you sleep

-You come visit me while I sleep?

-Yes, all the time

I wasn’t sure why she’d do that. The dog wasn’t that interesting. I felt a little bad for having a bad attitude.

Every night I’m at home, for several years now, I come in and kiss you both goodnight before I go to bed. I’ll also tuck you in if it’s cold and make sure the space heater is on. I used to make sure George got First Cookie (but he’s not as important now) and I still often put Blankety Blank in Isaac’s hands.

Thank you God for George.

Thank you God for Isaac.

Regardless of whether you see it and whether I show it or not, I want you to both know you’re deeply loved.

I now understand what Grandmama meant. Whether you have children one day or not, I hope you understand too.

My curly-headed boys,

I wanted to keep a list of a few things as you grew, a sort of online scrapbook or something. So I plan on this being some memories, pictures, notes, advice, and the like. Not even sure how long/often I’ll update it.

I want you to be good men. I don’t claim to be a great dad, or even a really good one, but I’m the only one you’ve got. Hopefully you’ll find this useful and know you’re cared for and loved.

Daddy